 |
| Aerial view of
the downed
structure | PISA,
ITALY--Standing since the 13th century, the proud
symbol of Italian architecture, the famous
"Leaning Tower of Pisa" fell today. The bell tower
was built on the "Field of Miracles", constructed
over a large ancient river delta of sand. It took
three centuries to complete this heavy building,
and all the while, it would lean and master
engineers would counter-balance to keep the
edifice straight.
In 1992, after running
many test and surveys, it was concluded that the
structure would fall within the following 60 years
if left on its' own. Engineer, John Burland of
England, had a solution to the problem. His idea
was to open a pizza joint at the base of the
building and hire obese and heavily mustachioed
employees to work & live there. This he
believed, would reduce the tilting. It worked,
cutting down the angle closer to the range it had
in 1838.
Every morning the staff was asked
to weigh in and encouraged each of them to
maintain there tonnage at 300 plus pounds. They
took pride in gorging themselves in the name of
patriotic duty. There was a danger recently as the
carbohydrate-craze came through the land. But,
that turned out to be a false alarm. Ultimately,
it was a national referendum which brought the
building to the ground.
The Pope had died
and everyone from the pizzeria decided to go to
Rome to pay their last respects. Unfortunately,
this left no one at the tower to perform their
obligation. Within 12 hours the leaning had begun
and eventually total disaster. By early mornings
light, the extent of the devastation could be
seen. The entire Italian population, now hit with
a double-whammy, held its' head down in
woe.
No longer would there be any leaning
17 feet off from perpendicular. No looking up one
hundred and seventeen feet tall, and no more
climbing three hundred steps rise to the eighth
story. No more government check to pay the
rollie-pollie staff. An investigation into the
matter is underway by the Italian government.
As we go to press, this News
Flash!
Italian authorities have decided to
leave the debris on the ground and on the
surrounding building. The National Tourist and
Convention Bureau of Italy has receive new found
interest, due to the catastrophe, as tourist are
beginning to flock to the location in droves. Mama
Mia! Now that-sa good-a
news! |
Sunday 17 Apr
2005 